A peek at my mind would help to clear your own

So I was talking to my family about the song Poison and Wine by the Civil Wars tonight
They couldn't seem to grasp how it could be seen from the point of view of a sibling relationship and so I felt that by breaking it down line by line with my interpretation of each line in relation to my relationship with my younger brother. Here goes

You only know what I want you to

(siblings esp. brothers don't like everyone knowing everything about them because it is such a vulnerable thing having someone know all the small details about your life.)

I know everything you don't want me to

(With my younger brother, we are practically like twins and though we try so hard to hide things from each other there is always some way that the other will know exactly what is going on)

Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

(You always know exactly what to say in order to hurt one another but you also know the perfect words when they need to be said to help the other get through something)

You think your dreams are the same as mine

(You believe you know each other so well, but you still strive for independence apart from the other and though you like that you have someone to share everything in, you hate that you can't have a simple thought without them somehow sharing in it. Plus as an older sister I always have to be right)

Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will

(There are times when you hate your siblings but you could never stop loving them no matter what they did, I often think this during a fight)

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

(There is a deep vulnerability between siblings that can't be spoken only shown and it's during the most difficult times that siblings can understand each other the best.)

The less I give the more I get back

(Often in the heat of the moment silence can cause a greater rage. Words don't often have to be spoken for things to be understood and coming from the side that gives the most it can be easy to fly off the handle when you feel like they aren't caring)

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

There is nothing like the protective hug of a brother, yet they have the power to win any fight if it comes to hands-on)

I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you

(You are stuck with your siblings but really who would it be better to go through you whole life with?)

Oh I don't love you but I always will [x7]
I always will [x5]

Never stop loving your siblings through thick and thin.

On a whole other note

So it is 13 days into November and as is the tradition in our country the Christmas panic has spread like wildfire, Christmas trees are springing up like never before and the spirit of Christmas is beginning to infect everyones minds. I was reflecting the years end and I realise now that this will be my first Christmas out of home, a rather frightening thought if I consider it. So I was in the mood of Christmas and I chose to spend a bit of time compiling a playlist of songs for Christmas, these songs make me think of the joys of Christmas; setting up the Christmas tree, opening stockings first thing in the morning, gathering around the tree to open presents, meals with extended family. All these things are what Christmas means to me, add prawns and crackers with paper crowns and bad jokes and it would be the perfect Christmas in my mind. Though as I was compiling this playlist I came across this song:

I started to reflect on the relevance of what Cindy Lou was singing in this song, something I am sure more people have stumbled on than me. I felt that this song spoke directly to me as I face my first year as an 'adult', Christmas starts to take on a whole new meaning and I don't know if I am ready for it.
I feel that I really should go through and give you a line by line analysis of how this song relates to me but I know that is totally unnecessary as the message in the song is really quite clear but I can't understand how this song could be such an exact reflection on how I am feeling but that is how life goes isn't it?

So many thoughts yet so little space in my head, so I  try to let them tumble out but they get jumbled through my mouth.
Hey guys so I've been thinking quite a bit lately, something I do try and do semi-regularly but I mean really just thinking things that I wouldn't post to Facebook but that I feel I should share with the world.
First thing or one thing that has popped into my head.
This kid has been making music since I met him and as he captured my attention with his voice back then he still manages to captivate my ears with his soulful voice. He just posted a new video, that's why I'm thinking of him, his videos whilst being simple and personal have a quality that you can only see in new artists before they find fame. I highly recommend you check him out, really go now!

Thing number two or something... I have reached the last week of my Year 13 journey this year. I am unsure how to feel about this. I feel a little sad that I won't have the weekly routine of meeting up with my Red Stream on a Wednesday morning, listening to lectures about the Bible, God and the world, getting upto all kinds of shenanigans at all times and joining it all together on Thursday for a noisy funtime of chaos. 

It has been a rollercoaster year and I believe it is just the beginning of the ride, I just need to make sure my harness is on correctly before it goes any further. I will certainly miss my friends, I am not terrible a metting together with people but it is not a skill I have mastered yet so I am worried that next year will be greatly lacking in Year 13 community gatherings. Taking a look at the times we had I will share a quick snapshot of each of the aspects of the shenanigans 

First comes to mind is my absolutely beautiful Chaplaincy group - Fi-Dub Chaps which would later become Fi/Stace-Dub Chaps since Fi decided to go get pregnant with beautiful Darcy (Chap Chaps as we knew him before we met him)
We often would come up with plans and ideas that were creative and clever but rarely would follow it through properly. There was always such a loving and caring shared with all and we never failed to finish each week with a prayer sharing which helped to bring us closer together as a small group.

The next people who come to my mind are my prayer triplet girls, we would meet each week and spend time talking about everything, nothing and life in general. We were thrown together at the beginning of the year and started ourselves off by sharing an intimate part of our lives with one another, it was intense but as the year progressed I think that having such a strong start meant that we were able to trust and stick close through things that went on. Things such as Lana and Simon getting engaged which we were so thrilled about and Mim&Tim embarking on the adventure of a new relationship

They are truly beautiful and precious to me and I wouldn't have chosen any other girls to pray with each week. 

There are so many people that I have grown closer to and I couldn't even begin to show you how much the people I hadn't known before this year have impacted my life. Through times that were harder and times that brought so much joy we were bursting with it, the girls of the red stream have been there to laugh, cry, and dance with me and for this I am overflowing with gratefulness. I can't even begin to tell you about how wonderful each of them is since they are all dancing through my mind and each one of them has made a deep impact on my heart and soul in such an inspiring way. 

To my darling red stream girls, I love you and I would just like you to know that no matter what gets in the way, whether it be time, space or money; nothing would make me love you less. 

I would like to extend this out to the wonderful Red stream I have come to know as family. I will address the boys now for I need to give credit where it is due. I don't think I believed it possible for the world to possess such servant-hearted and Christlike young men, but I am pleased to say that I was wrong. I have been honoured to witness your growth in faith and confidence, been inspired by your courage and love for God, had my heart warmed by your attention to the needs of others, you are truly amazing models for what Jesus would have been like on earth (even with the cheeky sense of humour). A few young men have popped to mind as I think through this, you boys come to mind because you have shown kindness, love and support to me by offering advice, hugs and lots of laughs. I appreciate the moments that you sought me out because you were concerned and though I may have seemed like a hopeless case full of emotion, just having you making an effort, care for me and think of me has made my life better and shown me what it means to have brothers in Christ. You are all so dear to me and it is so lovely to know that I can talk to you whenever knowing you are always up for a chat and will never fail to bring a smile to my face. 

I would like to end this long rant of mushy stuff with a thank you to my favourite couple (shhh don't tell Harry) haha but seriously what could I say of you guys that hasn't been running through my head a thousand times before tonight. You two have a crazy and exciting energy that fills my eyes with a dance. I honestly could not describe how grateful I am for you but I would like to try. You have been there to support me, advise me and rebuke me in love. Thanks for letting me be a part of your relationship as I watch you two grow, develop and fight over the silliest things. You are the craziest of kids and I wouldn't have it any other way, thanks for having my back! Love you 5ever! 

Okay so maybe I am not finished yet... You see there are these two chickadees that I have to drive to and from college each week. Haha I think that without our trek to Year 13 each week there will definitely be something missing in my life. Our 40minute drive that we call a road trip, filled with praying, shouting, singing, laughing and a few tears but plenty of love. You girlies are super gorgeous like really! I can't wait to continue doing life with you as we start to explore God's plans for our lives and what he has in store for each of us.
Also thank you to my darling lecturers, I'm especially looking at you Trin! So many times in my head I have been in awe of how awesome it is to know someone like you. Who else do you know that manages to get a bunch of 18 and 19 year old teenagers to call them Mama? You are seriously out of this world amazing and yes I can tell you this as many times as I possibly could but it will never be less true. Thanks for sitting there and listening to my whinging and crying, for making me laugh and creating a space of comfort when I didn't think I would find any in any place. I do love you Trin though I didn't believe it possible at first. 

Last of all I could not get through this without saying the biggest thank you of all to God! You have brought me down this crazy journey, kept me strong through the weak moments and taught me how to laugh when everything is out of control, without you this year would have never happened and I don't think I have enough words to tell you how much you mean to me. All I can really say is thank you and thank you again. I can't wait to see what is coming in the future and I just cling to you as the wind whips by my face when life passes me by. I love you and again really thank you. You fill me up and I can not share this love enough.

Okay so I am going to stop ranting but if you want to see our Fiji trip told in an incredible song watch this

Or if you want a quick overview of the whole year including Fiji take a look at this, it is snapshot but good representation of how the year went along and how much fun we had (also don't know why it starts half way through but just take it back to the beginning